Saturday, September 21, 2013
party of one
I've completely lost it. Unless you call sitting at my computer at 6:00 a.m. watching a Gilbert 'O Sullivan video — and liking it — normal. I am well aware how miserable a statement like "I am lonely and also a little bit bored" would make me sound, so I'm not using it as the topic sentence to this blog entry (doh!). OK, it's true. But I have a wonderful friend who's helped me through my boredom and solitude. Just this morning we shared a nostalgic trip to the 70s via Chicago's "If You Leave Me Now," Paul Davis's "I Go Crazy," and other clips he suggested for me because I brought up the above referenced video. We do that. I'll come up with a random but inspired idea and he'll make it even better, taking me in directions I didn't even know existed.
He introduced me to Facebook, which is either the greatest invention or the biggest time-waster of the 21st century. I can't decide. I was leary of the whole thing at first, but soon ventured out and posted material I found mildly entertaining. I got some glorious feedback and experienced highs one can only attain through the intense positive reinforcement of an all-audience standing ovation after your mediocre performance in the high school talent show. (*This never happened.) After years of Facebook bliss I can now admit it's an addiction for which I probably would benefit from a 12-step program. Damn Mr. Webb for ever introducing me to it!
Sure, I'm thrilled when the hilarious Tina Fey quote I post as my status merits 19 likes, but equally devastated when my recommended "They Might Be Giants" video renders a big fat zero. Am I the only one who thinks dancing vegetables are cool? What a loser, my Facebook audience screams through their lack of attention. Seriously, does my daughter's former fourth grade teacher really need to know I'm on a "Big Bang Theory" kick? I wake up some mornings with a virtual (haha virtual) hangover deeply regretting the previous night's Facebook bender. Unless, of course, a good amount of my 203 friends make it known they also have big love in their hearts for Wallowitz .. then I'm thrilled beyond belief!
When you are among the lonely perusing Facebook you totally appreciate cultivating relationships with some really great people you might not otherwise have the opportunity get to know. Who knew, for example, my coworker from a few years ago was so incredibly supportive and cool AND and Elvis Costello fan? Of course, to open a dialog via Facebook you first must put something out there, or at the very least, comment on what someone else has shared — and face the likely possibility that no one will "like" your stuff, which translates in your mind to no one "liking" you. Those dancing vegetables are the bane of my existence!
Another distraction introduced to me by Mr. Webb is the wonderful world of blogging. You're probably not surprised to hear I have a blog (duh, you're reading it right now!) — actually four — the unifying topic of all of them being yours truly. Are my blog entries incredibly self-serving and pathetic or quality gems that others can relate to? I like to think the latter, although if I get no feedback at all I'm once again convinced of my total loser status.
Well, I suppose, like many of my past relationships, Mr. Webb has brought both good and bad into my life. (I'm not even going to mention Spotify, Yahoo, blogs I follow, celebrity Twitter feeds, online shopping, etc. etc. ... except that I just did!) It's time to face them all head-on and decide where to go from here. I honestly would like to read a book or start up a craft project, maybe even drag out the old sewing machine, but where in the world would I find the time?
Maybe it's time to break it off completely. I mean, really, are the copious hours I'm spending on this relationship really the best use of my time and talents? No! And yes. Oh, who am I kidding? I have it bad for the guy. In my heart of hearts I really do want the wedding ring, ceremony, the whole nine yards. Obsessive love is such a bitch.