This started out to be another one of those posts where I moan about the many disappointments leading up to my current maladies, as illustrated in nature by two empty plots of soil in my garden where the seeds I lovingly planted over two months ago failed to emerge from as sprouts. Just goes to show, I would keenly deduct, that even though you invest good time and energy on something you hope will produce fruit, God often has other plans. Yup, time to kiss the dream of having homegrown carrots and zinnias in my life goodbye. But in spite of this - here would be the "silver lining" part - I still would get to enjoy the gifts of two varieties of tomatoes, sunflowers, nasturtiums, cilantro, fresh thyme, marjoram, and rosemary - all of which are thriving quite nicely. (Note to self: for maximum results, plant seedlings instead of seeds). Indeed, my god-given gifts - wonderful children; wise, supportive girlfriends; a good man in my life; great music and literature, and yes, even my own talents - are all in abundance as of late. But damn those two empty plots of soil ... no amount of sunshine, water, or Miracle-Gro will induce sprouting there. In a similar scenario, the emergency savings account I smarty opened a couple of years ago is just as barren. Life is rough when you're a single mom dependent on child support from your ex, and even harder when said ex gets laid off and says he is unable to come up with the court-ordered monthly amount.
All of this was bound for the blog page this morning. The piece would have a happy ending: I'd just plant new seedlings - literally and figuratively - into the barren spots. New stuff would grow and I'd return to my happy, secure self. Before writing, I went to the garden to prepare the soil for the new plants. A quick turn of the shovel revealed ROOTS in that there soil. Come on ... two months and we're still working on the roots? Then again, carrots pretty much are roots. As usual, God has the perfect plan all along while I impatiently wait for things to go my way - and wail like a spoiled two-year-old when they don't.
I know what you are thinking: The fact that God can grow a mean carrot does not necessarily indicate he can solve more complicated problems like the Mathieson family finances. My own common sense tells me there's no way I can proceed on the current course and not completely fall flat on my face. No doubt I'd be bringing in at least a few times my current salary working at a similar position in the big city. But that would involve uprooting. Do I really want to do that when in all other respects my family is thriving right here? All I know is that whenever I ask him, God says no. When I ask why, he points me toward the forest, the ocean, or my garden. There is a reason I have taken roots here and it's not my duty to question that. I'm just supposed to keep things in a sunny spot and provide water and Miracle-Gro. He'll take care of the rest. Roots grow first.