Saturday, September 18, 2010

Seventeen Stringent Requirements

Hollywood's finest example
So many blog topics have crossed my brain this week, many of them bordering on profound. Ah, the untapped potential of the unwritten blog! But as I finally have time to sit here and purge, it's come to down to my favorite guilty pleasure next to chocolate and white wine. You see there's this guy ...

I run the risk of gushing like "13-year-old girl with first crush" in describing how high above the water he walks. It's been a year-and-a half and he continues to be everything I haven't settled for in past relationships. But I must use caution in adding masculine presences into my own personal world — I've been third-degree burned more than once. Yet, thanks to this man — and a couple of really nice guys I dated before him — I know exactly what I want in a significant other. I'll even grant a worthy nod to my less-than-stellar exes for helping me confirm what I don't want. To this end, I present the following in no particular order:

17 Man Musts:

1. He must build me up, not tear me down. Tearing down doesn't necessarily refer to blatant bad behavior like intense physical or verbal abuse, although those things are certainly included. It's more day-to-day little jabs, often disguised in humor, where I am the butt of the joke. Not cool.

2. He must be honest with me. He understands I'm too intelligent to be told white lies to spare my feelings. He knows I need to be able to trust him completely.

3. He must be cool. Not trying to prove to the world that he's cool, but actually cool. And believe it himself.

4. He must be smart. I'm talking way above average intelligence. And although he might be angered by people who profess wisdom without the facts to back themselves up (narrow-mindedness) — he must never make me or anyone else feel they are of inferior intelligence.

5. He's gotta make me laugh. Intelligent humor edges out silliness, but both are welcomed. Ability to laugh at himself is a plus. He laughs with me, not at me.

6. He must be generous. He is a giver, not a taker. He gives generously to charities and puts others above himself, especially those less fortunate.

7. He must be passionate, creative, and inspired on a daily basis. He seeks new experiences to expand his passions. He must have an awesome iTunes library.

8. He must respect me completely and is kind to my friends and family.

9. He speaks well of me to his friends and family. He would never think to put me down.

10. He must be handsome and know he's attractive without being conceited. He takes good care of his mind and body without compulsion. As gorgeous as he is, he makes me feel I'm the pretty one in the relationship.

11. He lets me express my need for him without making me feel I'm needy.

12. He supports my plight and listens when I need to vent. He is always on my side, and seizes opportunities to assist when I'm in need.

13. He lets me know he appreciates the little things I do for him.

14. He is not afraid to admit his fears and insecurities. He trusts me enough to share them with me on a deeper level.

15. He works to maintain his friendships and is always there for his family.

16. He seeks ways to get closer to his God and make sense of his place in the world.

17. Like my own father, he must be a beautiful man. I don't really know how to describe this, but I know it when I see it.

Come to think of it, I've always possessed an internal man list similar to this one. But because of what really amounts to my own insecurities, I've settled for way less than the above ideal, hoping the man in my life would just somehow "evolve" into the man of my dreams. No, no one is perfect, but after 46 years of making the same mistake, I'm here to tell you: stick to your list. Add to it if you must. And if someone steps up to the plate lacking an item or two, don't let him play. You're better off solo. Life is too short to be with a guy who makes you curl up into a ball and cry on the bathroom floor.


  1. I"m going to tattoo this on my hand so I can just slap myself with it when I look/think about dating/ think about most of the men I do!!!! YOU SO deserve a juicy man! Good for you! oxoxoxox

  2. Yes, Ms. K, I once again resonate and am so happy for you that your man covers all these points and then some I am sure. He is a gem and yet he is the lucky on and he knows it. It shows in his eyes when he looks at you, and its beautiful to see.

    Life is simply to short to settle anymore. I know this and I am with you . . . no more "almost there but missing 3-5, or "perhaps he could work on this number 11, and of course I could help". He either is, or is not that man, and a Man-list is a MUST! He also should be extra nice to you when you are sick, lose a loved one or beloved pet, or just need it and say so. I have lived without that, and although its not "bathroom crying" material, its no fun and I think its supposed to be . . . FUN.

    Thanks for the great topic my beautiful friend,


  3. I read somewhere that you yourself must possess all the qualities that you're looking for in a mate. For instance, if you want someone who is physically fit, you must be fit yourself. On that level, it's easy to see why. But it applies to all the things on your list. That said, you yourself possess all those qualities you listed above, so there's obviously nothing stopping you from making the connection when you do finally meet this fabulous man!