Springing

Thanks, google. I might not have known it was the first day of spring! Or maybe I would, had I stopped for two seconds to observe my own surroundings. But Google, and the fact that I arose, wide awake, at 5:00 a.m. this morning, has forced that pause. Change is in the air, for sure, but instead of embracing all that is new and wonderful, I'm frankly, freaking out. Also, my rheumatoid arthritis is flaring up. Well, damn. The part of my being that thrives on order and routine is being shaken to its core and I fear I'm not up to the task — mentally or physically — to adapt to an unforeseeable future. Hell, I'm lucky if I remember to put the trash out on trash day. Thursday, right? Shoot. Add another task to my morning to-do list.

My daughter is graduating from high school in a few short months. I am so proud of the person she's become and I have no doubt that she'll go on to do amazing things with her life. Artistic and creative things. Brilliant things. Same with my boy, who's in the middle of his college career and has decided to become a writer — an apt career choice, being that he has so much to say and a way with words that's off the charts brilliant! There I go bragging about my kids again and overusing the word brilliant. Point is, this period — in which the kids are well on their paths to becoming adults —was to be the springboard (hey, pun!) for the next chapter in my life. Finally, the answer to the question "when is it MY turn?"

But, as usual, it seems things aren't going to go exactly as planned. You'd think I'd have learned by now that real change involves 25 percent disappointment, 25 percent graceful adaptation, and 50 percent faith in an all-knowing God. Or is it 100 percent in the God thing? Yes, probably. The most wonderful examples of this, for me, come with this season. Neurotic people like me fight it, but all one has to do is look outside — one day you're a bud on a stem and the next you're a rose in full bloom.  Then comes, summer, fall, winter ... and you get to do it all over again. Brilliant!



Photo by Melissa