the art of doing absolutely nothing for a day

"Elaine Dancing," viewed multiple times is a super productive time-waster

In all honesty, I have achieved a few things:

1. Updated Facebook status. Checked page approximately 750 times throughout day.
2. Cleaned grout with toothbrush in 1/12 of kitchen. Began task with great enthusiasm but was distracted by anything more entertaining. Later scolded self for failing to scrub house from floor to ceiling as planned.
3. Binge watched four full episodes of "Curb Your Enthusiasm." Praised self for great taste in TV comedy.
4. Considered going to library to return three videos. Opted to save 3-minute drive and renew online. Incurred $3 in overdue fees.
5. Scratched initial plan for in-home screening of the two previous films in Richard Linkletter's "Before Sunset" trilogy. Admittedly an excuse not to get in my car and go anywhere, like, for instance, the video rental store.
6. Took a nap.
7. Consumed countless Trader Joe's Ultimate Vanilla Wafers, a Little Debbie Swiss Roll 2-pack, and anything else lacking nutritional value in pantry/fridge.
8. Googled dad's name and spent an hour trying to find new pics or info on him online — to no avail.
9. Read a couple of really good blog posts: What Marriage Means and The Sad, Beautiful Fact That We're All Going to Miss Almost Everything.
10. Assembled a "big salad" for dinner. Applaluded self for innovating the addition of sauteed onions.
11. Searched Youtube for Seinfeld's "big Salad" episode (where Elaine asks George to deliver her a big salad from the diner).
12. Viewed "Elaine Dancing" on Youtube.
13, Contemplated the following: my children's milestones, good friendships, which Trader Joe's white wine I truly prefer, whether or not I should cancel DirecTV and subscribe to Netflix, upcoming travel plans, what the hell I did with a great book I wanted to loan my boy, finances.
14. Perused DVR cue for a good movie to watch tonight. Going with this one. If I can get through it, it  might just be the most productive thing I've done all day. (UPDATE: I don't recommend this movie!)
15. Created this blog entry. Decide to publicly post despite likely possibility everyone will think it's totally lame and I have no life.
16. Experienced numbing sensation of ass expansion resulting from 12 hours upon a computer chair.

But it's Saturday and I still have Sunday. SO MUCH to do tomorrow!