love and marriage

I have a rule not to post anything political or controversial here, but in this case I will not only make an exception, I’ll get downright preachy about it. Today and tomorrow the Superior Court will discuss California’s ban on same-sex marriage and the federal Defense of Marriage Act, which denies federal benefits to same-sex couples married in the nine states where such unions are legal. I pray that our country’s judicial representatives will, quite simply, do the right thing in their subsequent rulings on these cases.

When my brother Tim, who passed away over nine years ago, told me he was gay, I remember thinking: “Thank God.” He was so private, never had a girlfriend, and I feared he would never experience true love in his life. Turned out his hopes in this area were pretty much the same as mine: To have one committed partner to spend the rest of his life with and also, someday, to have children. During his final days, he shared with me his lifelong desire to be a father. He wondered what kind of dad he would've been. I have the answer to that one: A kind, decent, and loving one who would have read a lot of parenting books and taken his kids on many camping trips! If anyone out there thinks I’m a halfway decent mom, I can tell you he would have run circles around me in the parenting department!

I am a Christian. And for a time I was a member of a fundamentalist church that believed being gay was wrong according to the teachings of the bible. My brother was also a believer and sought his answers in that very bible (flawed as it is) — yet my church would not have accepted him as a member or allowed him to serve the congregation in any capacity. I have a problem with that.

The same narrow-minded thinking has reigned supreme in large segments of our society as well as our judicial system for centuries. I attended my sister’s wedding last year. The current powers that be tell me that she and I are entitled to the benefits of the institution of marriage but my brother is not — simply because of the gender of whom he loves. It’s analogous to putting black people at the back of the bus! We do not "choose" being gay or straight any more than we choose the color of our own skin. It is high time we, as a society, right this wrong and I am praying that the Superior Court will take the first step in doing just that this week. 

Iris DeMent : Before The Colors Fade

Remembering this morning ... to the tune of this beautiful Iris Dement ballad.

Before The Colors Fade
by Iris Dement

Before the colors fade from view
I sit alone remembering you
Alll those things you'd say and do
And the feel of being next to you
The angles of your sweet, old, face
The voice that filled my life with grace
I walk as through a sacred place
Before the colors fade

Everybody comes and then they go
Everybody fades and glows
Everybody falls and climbs
Some people go before their time
But no one sparkled quite like you
I'm gonna miss you through and through
I'll visit every shade and hue
Before the colors fade

Tonight I'll read you like a book
Every twist and turn you took
Every song and every look
All you gave, all you took
In time you might seem like a dream
But until then and in between
I'll linger on each sacred scene
Before the colors fade

Before the colors fade from view
I sit alone remembering you
And all those things you'd say and do
And the feel of being next to you
The angles of your sweet, old face
The voice that filled my life with grace
I linger in this sacred place
Before the colors fade

ring in the new

“Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.” 
― Alfred Tennyson

Entire poem  here
* Photo by Melissa Mathieson

merry stressmas

The woman I overheard while shopping at Target summed it up: "Well, I got Michael out of the way ... ." Out of the way? Is this what it's come to? Not that I could berate her — I was approaching Christmas in pretty much the same way.  If I could just find the perfect trinket for everyone on the list — preferably at $20 or less a pop — I'd once and for all prove to my closest friends and family they are loved beyond belief. They, in turn, would marvel at my wonderfulness. Tall order when you're among the frantic masses at the local Target. Only 4 more shopping days, the merchants proclaim. Better get on over here and take care of biz or you'll fail to have the best Christmas ever come the 25th.

Sometimes I imagine an amended chapter in the bible in which Jesus goes into a Target store  — make that Walmart — and condemns all of the beady-eyed shoppers whose spiritual priorities have hit rock bottom. It's so not about the stuff, he would proclaim, so why do we make it so?

In direct defiance of our Lord, I've been whipping out my debit card with the frequency of an OCD hand-washer — even withdrew funds from the 'ol emergency savings to cover the extra expenses likely to be incurred by trying to be everything to everybody.  Not that I have the means to go extravagant on anyone, but it all adds up. The other day the bomb hit. My online banking statement reflected numerous purchases I didn't make — all in all over $400 deducted from my account! I hit panic mode!

Thankfully, my bank ensures I'll be reimbursed for the unauthorized debits. But I had to open another account and am now in the process of providing new bank routing numbers to my bill collectors.  What kind of person preys on a financially-challenged single working mom at Christmastime? Just evil. There's a lot of that going around lately. People don't seem to want to do the right thing anymore. Even at Christmas.

In the middle of the present chaos that is my life, I managed to find some quiet time. I really want to focus on the baby Jesus and the hope his birth represents this season. (It is CHRISTmas, for god's sakes!) But I am stressed ... and angry. I pondered on a savior on a cross who knew all to well about anger and pain and being the victim of other people's evil. Despite all of it, he muttered the words, "Forgive them, they know not what they do" in his final, desperate hours. Yes, Lord, but I'm drawing my personal line at the guy who guns down kindergarteners and their teachers in the classroom. How, exactly, does one forgive that?

This, I think, is what's meant by the "peace that passes all understanding." Some things I simply don't — and never will — understand. But while I fail to comprehend imperfections in someone else, my own are all too clear. Sure, most of us don't go around committing mass shootings, but we all have weaknesses — and instincts that kick in to help us survive our often difficult existences here on earth. I, for one, have acted out in ways I'm not proud of. A lot. We all, through no fault of our own, possess varying degrees of how to conduct ourselves here on this planet ... Don't we deserve to be loved and forgiven in spite of them? I'm grateful for the birth of a savior whose message to the world is just that.

Wishing you all a peaceful, joyous Christmas, and blessings beyond belief in the new year!

Break forth, O beauteous heavenly light, 
and usher in the morning; 
O shepherds, shrink not with affright, 
but hear the angel's warning. 
This child, now weak in infancy, 
our confidence and joy shall be, 
the power of Satan breaking, 
our peace eternal making.

Punch Brothers: Red Handed

Early Christmas present: Punch Bros. live in Santa Barbara w/my loved ones. Can't wait!!!

applauding myself

The crockpot is truly the working mom's best friend. How else would I have been able to walk in to my house after a 9-hour workday to the sweet smell of simmering beef, sitting down to a gourmet dinner for my girl and myself in mere minutes? Here's how:


South of the Border De-stress Roast

1. Begin first thing in the morning. Complete all of the get-ready-for-work-and-school tasks, but skip your morning workout. (There's always tomorrow for that.)

2. Coarsely chop an onion and sautée briefly. Dump in bottom of crockpot.

3. Season a 2 lb chuck roast with lots of sea salt, fresh ground pepper, and cumin. (A friend suggested chipotle chile powder, which is probably fabulous, but I didn't have any!) Brown all sides of seasoned beef in onion pan and dump in crockpot on top of onions. Top pot w/three coarsely cut carrots and two lime quarters.

4. Pour an entire bottle of beer over beef. Doesn't matter what kind. I used Heineken. Add a little water to cover the meat.

5. Put crockpot on high heat for one hour, then adjust to low. You may now leave for the office.

6. Work an 8+ hour day while crockpot's doing its job.

7. Return home and fully experience the sweet smell of a home-cooked meal. Who prepared this amazing roast dinner while you were away? You did!

8. Serving suggestion: Fresh brussels sprouts (brown in oil/butter and steam a few minutes in white wine), and Mexican rice (follow instructions on packet).

9. Last, but not least: a generous glass of wine for yourself! You deserve it!  c:

So so delicious. Applause, applause!

Bonus: There WILL be leftovers! Mexican beef soft tacos anyone?

love and turkey

Always feel a deep connection with my dad this time of year. His Thanksgiving turkey was his pride and joy ... and one of the many ways he showered us with his love! By some stroke of great luck I inherited these recipe cards, written in his own hand - such treasures!

Pure joy can be experienced in the memory of a lost love, especially after you've had ample time to grieve. I am reminded that while I am here on earth with new and old loves, I should be fiercely recording the events in photographs and writings - our time here is so temporary! I'm thankful my dad took the time to jot down his secret turkey procedure ... even a recipe card can bring it all back.