ring in the new

“Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.” 
― Alfred Tennyson

Entire poem  here
* Photo by Melissa Mathieson

merry stressmas

The woman I overheard while shopping at Target summed it up: "Well, I got Michael out of the way ... ." Out of the way? Is this what it's come to? Not that I could berate her — I was approaching Christmas in pretty much the same way.  If I could just find the perfect trinket for everyone on the list — preferably at $20 or less a pop — I'd once and for all prove to my closest friends and family they are loved beyond belief. They, in turn, would marvel at my wonderfulness. Tall order when you're among the frantic masses at the local Target. Only 4 more shopping days, the merchants proclaim. Better get on over here and take care of biz or you'll fail to have the best Christmas ever come the 25th.

Sometimes I imagine an amended chapter in the bible in which Jesus goes into a Target store  — make that Walmart — and condemns all of the beady-eyed shoppers whose spiritual priorities have hit rock bottom. It's so not about the stuff, he would proclaim, so why do we make it so?

In direct defiance of our Lord, I've been whipping out my debit card with the frequency of an OCD hand-washer — even withdrew funds from the 'ol emergency savings to cover the extra expenses likely to be incurred by trying to be everything to everybody.  Not that I have the means to go extravagant on anyone, but it all adds up. The other day the bomb hit. My online banking statement reflected numerous purchases I didn't make — all in all over $400 deducted from my account! I hit panic mode!

Thankfully, my bank ensures I'll be reimbursed for the unauthorized debits. But I had to open another account and am now in the process of providing new bank routing numbers to my bill collectors.  What kind of person preys on a financially-challenged single working mom at Christmastime? Just evil. There's a lot of that going around lately. People don't seem to want to do the right thing anymore. Even at Christmas.

In the middle of the present chaos that is my life, I managed to find some quiet time. I really want to focus on the baby Jesus and the hope his birth represents this season. (It is CHRISTmas, for god's sakes!) But I am stressed ... and angry. I pondered on a savior on a cross who knew all to well about anger and pain and being the victim of other people's evil. Despite all of it, he muttered the words, "Forgive them, they know not what they do" in his final, desperate hours. Yes, Lord, but I'm drawing my personal line at the guy who guns down kindergarteners and their teachers in the classroom. How, exactly, does one forgive that?

This, I think, is what's meant by the "peace that passes all understanding." Some things I simply don't — and never will — understand. But while I fail to comprehend imperfections in someone else, my own are all too clear. Sure, most of us don't go around committing mass shootings, but we all have weaknesses — and instincts that kick in to help us survive our often difficult existences here on earth. I, for one, have acted out in ways I'm not proud of. A lot. We all, through no fault of our own, possess varying degrees of how to conduct ourselves here on this planet ... Don't we deserve to be loved and forgiven in spite of them? I'm grateful for the birth of a savior whose message to the world is just that.

Wishing you all a peaceful, joyous Christmas, and blessings beyond belief in the new year!

Break forth, O beauteous heavenly light, 
and usher in the morning; 
O shepherds, shrink not with affright, 
but hear the angel's warning. 
This child, now weak in infancy, 
our confidence and joy shall be, 
the power of Satan breaking, 
our peace eternal making.

Punch Brothers: Red Handed

Early Christmas present: Punch Bros. live in Santa Barbara w/my loved ones. Can't wait!!!

applauding myself

The crockpot is truly the working mom's best friend. How else would I have been able to walk in to my house after a 9-hour workday to the sweet smell of simmering beef, sitting down to a gourmet dinner for my girl and myself in mere minutes? Here's how:


South of the Border De-stress Roast

1. Begin first thing in the morning. Complete all of the get-ready-for-work-and-school tasks, but skip your morning workout. (There's always tomorrow for that.)

2. Coarsely chop an onion and sautée briefly. Dump in bottom of crockpot.

3. Season a 2 lb chuck roast with lots of sea salt, fresh ground pepper, and cumin. (A friend suggested chipotle chile powder, which is probably fabulous, but I didn't have any!) Brown all sides of seasoned beef in onion pan and dump in crockpot on top of onions. Top pot w/three coarsely cut carrots and two lime quarters.

4. Pour an entire bottle of beer over beef. Doesn't matter what kind. I used Heineken. Add a little water to cover the meat.

5. Put crockpot on high heat for one hour, then adjust to low. You may now leave for the office.

6. Work an 8+ hour day while crockpot's doing its job.

7. Return home and fully experience the sweet smell of a home-cooked meal. Who prepared this amazing roast dinner while you were away? You did!

8. Serving suggestion: Fresh brussels sprouts (brown in oil/butter and steam a few minutes in white wine), and Mexican rice (follow instructions on packet).

9. Last, but not least: a generous glass of wine for yourself! You deserve it!  c:

So so delicious. Applause, applause!

Bonus: There WILL be leftovers! Mexican beef soft tacos anyone?

love and turkey

Always feel a deep connection with my dad this time of year. His Thanksgiving turkey was his pride and joy ... and one of the many ways he showered us with his love! By some stroke of great luck I inherited these recipe cards, written in his own hand - such treasures!

Pure joy can be experienced in the memory of a lost love, especially after you've had ample time to grieve. I am reminded that while I am here on earth with new and old loves, I should be fiercely recording the events in photographs and writings - our time here is so temporary! I'm thankful my dad took the time to jot down his secret turkey procedure ... even a recipe card can bring it all back. 

music for a rainy day

Chris Thile's album "All Who Wander Are Not Lost" is like an old friend.

a sunset speaks

Your ordinary sunset would have done it. But tonight's stopped me in my tracks. I caught it walking out of my office this evening. Stressful day. Impossible week - and it's only Wednesday! Yet, like a really good song, your baby laughing, and a million other of life's unexpected joys, all I could do was stop and marvel. And grab my camera! "Thank you" kept playing in my head.

The staff at the magazine received the news earlier this week: Our office will be moving "over the hill" where the rent is cheaper and you can purchase an In and Out burger for $2.05 (gotta love Google!). Bummer for me is I'll now be commuting from my coastal paradise on a daily basis. I worried about being away from my daughter all day, the cumulative monthly cost of a 45-minute commute, the wear and tear on my car, less time to exercise and play on Facebook, etc. etc. I spent much of that day in black-cloud-my-life-sucks-mode. Had to get out of there.

I headed to the ocean to sit and ask "WHY????" But what I encountered was a picturesque coastal scene rivaling that of above sunset. Not easy to be pissy when you're observing such magnificence.  I turned off my "noise" and listened - decided to be grateful I even had a job; happy for my longtime commuting coworkers who will finally experience the short drive to work I've been enjoying for years; and relieved that, although it'll be a stretch for us, it's doable. So much to be thankful for ... certainly enough to make you smile (almost) all day long - even at your stressful job.

A million alternate decisions would've prevented me from stepping out of my office at 5:15 tonight, yet the stars aligned and I was richly awarded with the most exquisite eye candy. I reveled in being in that exact place at that exact time. Another chapter may be ending, but a new and potentially wonderful one has just begun.

Tonight a friend posted a photo of the setting sun as seen from the top of the hill that will be part of my future drive home. It was really something.